“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

About a week ago while waiting to go into my radiation appointment, a little girl with a big smile, a shaved head and hazel eyes sat next to me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was staring at me. 

With a bubbly attitude she said, "Hi Mister. Who are you? Why are you here" 

I smiled, "My name is Dave. I am here to get some radiation. What's your name?"

She looked down, "Oh... my name Alana and I am eight. Why are getting radiation? I know everything about radiation."

                                           I went on to explain my situation the best way I could to a 8 year old, "I have this thing in my head that I am trying to get rid of."

Thinking for a little bit she said, "Oh is it a tumor?"

                                           "Yea..."

"I have those too.  They are in my chest and some other parts of my body. Are you sad about it?"

                                           "Not really."

Adult-like she said, "You can tell me... I can keep a secret."

I responded, "Well I was a little sad when I first found out, but not anymore."

"I get sad sometimes, but you want to know a secret?"

                                            "Sure", I said.

She whispered, "If I am sad, I just get happy and it makes me feel better."

At this point her mother called her back and said to me, "I am sorry, is she bothering you? She is so talkative with everyone. She is always looking for people to relate with."

I assured her that she was not being a bother. The mother went on to explain that when Alana was four she had developed an awful cough. The mother wrote it off as a cold, but still went to the doctor anyways. She explained that what came next was a nightmare. While at the doctor's office, some x-rays were taken as a precaution to make sure she didn't have bronchitis or pneumonia. That is when they discovered the tumor in Alana's lungs. In the weeks to come, it was discovered that it was a neuroblastoma tumor, a cancer predominantly found in children. She had surgery a couple of months later to remove the tumor . They were able to remove most of it and the doctors treated the rest with chemotherapy. It was a week before Christmas that the family found out that she was in remission at the age of 5. 

It was inferred that Alana doesn't remember most of the experience.  Unfortunately about two years later she would be reminded of what happened. A week after her 7th birthday, she started to cough again. The cancer was back. She is now going through radiation therapy (where I met her) and chemotherapy. She is a very strong girl with strong aspirations and dreams. She is powerful. She is positive. She is loving.  She is innocent. 

What we can learn from this is that innocence is very important in our lives. When we were children we were able to trust everyone around us. We weren't negative, crooked or cynical. We understood things openly, straight, and simple. We didn't have problems. We played. We laughed. We did what made us happy.

When Alana said "If I am sad, I just get happy and it makes me feel better", it made me reflect that happiness can be an on and off switch that we can control most of the time. Just get happy. Everyone has at least one thing to reflect on that makes them happy. Sometimes we get buried. We forget that we have a choice. 

This past week, we were reminded that lives can be taken away from the innocent, that life is too short, that we should take a break from being an adult every once in a while and to love and take value in those who are important  in our lives.

As adults, we can still do childish things and bring back the innocence we had as children. 

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” -Dr. Seuss

"Just get happy"

#4 "If You Feel Your Dreams are Dying, Hold Tight"

Do you feel that some of your dreams and goals that you had in your life are slowly dying in your life?You are not alone, but you are not going to get to your destination without moving.

In the literal sense we wouldn't be able to get to the store, to work or back to our homes without physically moving. In the metaphorical sense, which is the idea that you can't reach your goals or achieve your dreams by just sitting there and waiting for the results to fall into your lap.

Hopes, dreams and goals are easily thought up, but they are somewhat difficult to achieve in the long run.

I have struggled with this since I got out of college and did a year of volunteerism/service. After that my dream was to continue to make a difference in the world in some capacity.

I never defined how exactly I wanted to do that, which really put me at a standstill. I wandered around aimlessly. I hastily made decisions about my idealistic future that would never pan out in the long run. Truth is I made excuses for why I couldn't achieve my dream and why it would never work out. I got home and expected that I would be able to walk right into a non-profit profession that would pay me well and allow me to make a difference in the world.

The job market was awful when I got home, especially in my field. Fortunately I was able to get a part-time job at a non-profit that could have easily turned out to be a full-time position if I was patient enough... instead I left the job because I needed more money. I would go back right now and kick myself in the ass for doing that if I could. I had my dream job right there. I could have worked harder in my retail job to make up for the hours and money that I was missing out on. So who's fault was that? It was MINE because I didn't like being inconvenienced with two jobs. I still battle with regret years later...thinking that my dream was unattainable because of the mistakes I made in the past.


Up until recently I still felt a sense of entitlement. I wanted to reach my goals without doing any of the work. You can't do that. You will end up disappointed and empty handed if you think that things will just fall into your lap.

Finding out that the world doesn't owe me anything has helped give me a nudge in the right direction... I always felt like I wasn't going anywhere in my career. This made me job hop for a long time. I was always looking for better money, a better title and a better sense of self worth. I let this get in the way of my dreams.

So what do we do when we are stuck?:

I think that defining what you want to accomplish is the key. Don't be vague. I have said constantly that I want to make a change out in the world, but I never figured out how exactly I wanted to do that. I feel that writing it down gives you a clearer picture and helps you break things down. I have had different ideas through-out the years, but something else would distract me and I would forget.

Expect obstacles and make a list on how you will deal with them. You can't get from start to finish without climbing a few walls.

Don't set your goals too low because it's easy, set them high because you will you get better results. Challenge yourself, know that you are capable, and work hard. Just because it gets hard doesn't mean you have to give up.

Thankfully I have more dreams besides the professional ones. Fortunately my achievements in other my other goals help balance out my professional ones. Think about everything you have done in your life and you will find satisfaction in that.

Everything can't happen at once. Sometimes it is unpleasant, but life spreads the good things out. So Keep your dreams alive.

#186 You are responsible for your own life and your own happiness.

Is a certain aspect of your life not going the way you'd like it to? Are you unhappy with yourself?  I have a great fix for you - Blame.

In recent weeks I have had the same problem coming at me from the past. What did I do? I blamed it on something else. I do this and I'm sure at some point you have done it too. It won't make the problem go away. 

Before my grandma passed away, her last words of wisdom to me was that life was going to keep throwing the same problems at me until I finally figured out the right way to correct them. Sadly I grew older and forgot about that philosophy. I got caught up in myself and didn't think anything was my fault. Sometimes they were and sometimes they weren't. I was never wrong in my eyes.

She was right though. The problem wouldn't go away until I figured out what the root of what was causing it. Most of the time the problem started with me. Maybe it was my approach of the situation or the way I handled it. Maybe my problem could have been solved earlier if I did something differently. 

If I was late to work, I would blame traffic. If I forgot to pay a bill, I would blame the business for not reminding me. If I had a disagreement with someone, I'd blame them for not being open minded or considerate of my opinion. If I was upset about not getting hired for a job, I would blame the company.  I should have left earlier and accounted for the traffic. It was my responsibility to know when my bills were due. If I expected someone to be open minded and considerate of my opinion then I should be open minded and considerate of their opinion. If I wanted the job I should have stayed at a job longer than a year. It is so easy to put the blame on something/someone. I think that's why we do it. The best way to deal with a problem is to not deal with it. 

I am still learning to take ownership of my problems. 

Somethings are not your fault though. You can't control other people, the weather or certain health issues.

-BUT-

You are the the one responsible for your relationships, your actions, your appearance, your money management and most of all -Your Happiness. So stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your own life.

That's The Way We Get By

My life has taken a huge turn this year... where I found out that I had a brain tumor and that I would become a first time father in 2013.

I created this blog to talk about some things I learned through this.

I won't go into heavy detail about everything that has happened this year. Here is a brief summary of events that started in late February:

It started with drunk night that ended up with me in the hospital due to small seizures.
I had a CT Scan done where they found a lesion and the doctor pretty much wrote it off as nothing.
My wife saves my life by having them compare a scan I had two years ago.
The doctor compares the two and notices that the lesion has doubled in size.
I then started numerous appointments and many MRIs at the Cleveland Clinic.
I had a brain biopsy surgery in early April.
I was told that I had a cancerous brain tumor by The Cleveland Clinic.
We then found out some great news that my wife was pregnant!
After that we decided we should get second opinion from University Hospital.
I had a craniotomy weeks later to remove tumor.
Unfortunately none of the tumor was able to be removed.
Started my recovery for about a month.
A few weeks later we found out that tumor is non cancerous. We were very relieved.
Even though it was labeled as non-cancerous I would still have to go through some radiation.
Yesterday I qualified for a 15 year clinical trial at UH.
It brings me today where my wife is halfway though her pregnancy and we couldn't more be excited.


I know this is a bit morbid, but in the beginning of everything I constantly asked myself what would people say about me after I was gone? I didn't ask this question because I thought I was going anywhere soon, but to put my life in perspective. I figured it was a good way of looking at what kind of person I am today and what I should change. For the most part I felt that I was good person, but I needed to change somethings around. I was pretty selfish and I wasn't always the best friend I could be or involved in my family as much as I could have been.

Your family and friends are really important. You're going to need them to get through life. Maybe not directly, but if you look hard enough, you will see that each one of them taught you something at some point.

If you have important people from the past that you lost touch with, send them a message or give them a call. They were in your life for a reason and again you learned something from them at one point.

I have been told from a lot of people that my attitude has been amazing, that my positivity
is inspiring, and that I was dealing with this better than they would if they were in my shoes. Truth is I had my moments of weakness, no one knew that except my wife. I tried my best to hide it from my family and everyone else around me.

Most of the time I figured the best way to live was to keep going and not stop to worry. It sucks to have it, but why get hung up on it? It's not going to make it any better.

Supportive friends, family and my wife....That's the way I got by.